Confused...

I just came back from OBS. It was really, really fun. I wanna blog more about it, but I'm dead beat. I learnt quite a bit more, but also came back with a much more confused mind. OBS made me think a lot, especially when we sat down and shared our reflections.

Stuff that I thought I loved, now I'm not too sure. I feel as if I've lost my direction.

And also, I know I'm a warm and friendly person. But when I come together with all these ultra smart and impressive fellow scholars, I have a natural tendency to try to fade into the background. People now know me as sweet and shy. That is so not me. But I don't know how to show them who I am. Whenever I try, my inconfidence pulls me back again...

And there's something else. I think I'm giving up far too much for this whole course. I want to be councillor for arts camp real bad, but pre-camp is during PDC. I've no choice but to skip it. I feel so constrained suddenly, I'm feeling really depressed.

It's so intensive, I feel like it's squeezing the life out of me. I feel like I've become a lifeless zombie who has to put on a fake smilely face to meet everyone tomorrow...

I am not happy. Very not happy.