Feeling introverted

Somtimes, it's tiring having to meet new people all the time, and having to act enthu at it too.

Pool games today were great! I did well and I think others saw that too. Somehow, I bother a lot about what other people think of me. I know it doesn't really sound right here, but if u were in my position, experiencing all that I am, and knowing the full story, that would probably be an acceptable kind of thinking.

But after pool games, I felt kinda left out though. Somehow, I feel that I can't connect with my group at all! It's not that I'm being dao or anything, they just seem to click together without me!

I enjoy being in the company of the seniors so much more, especially Ron, since I already know him from Camp Blue Blood. Somehow, I feel like he's so much friendlier to me now. hahaha... J Lo's great company too!

So far, the times I really enjoyed myself was at rag rush yesterday, with Ron sitting beside, and the conversation with J Lo this morning, and pool games.

That's why today, during rag rush, i was being anti-social and introverted, and I let myself be. I know Wilson, a senior sitting next to me, was kinda trying to make conversation, but I really couldn't be bothered since there were 2 other girls also talking. I just kept really quiet. And I actually felt bad for that, but I can't help it.

It's not a very nice feeling having to meet so many new people. From PDC, from arts camp, from USP, and now from KR. And it sucks big time, especially if you don't feel welcomed. I miss Camp Blue Blood so much more, because I could really click with the people there!

I miss the Akihito seniors so much, esp KT, XY, Ron and J Lo. Although Ron and J Lo are actually in the same group as me now, I actually feel quite jealous that I have to "share" them with the other freshies. I know what I'm saying probably sounds super stupid, but forgive me, I'm just ranting, and I can't make head and tail of everything I'm feeling right now.

The best thing about today was that a certain disgustingly showy person wasn't with out group for most part of the day. She's such a B-I-T-C-H! And I don't usually call people that, cos it's rude, but I used it tonnes of times on her whenever I see her. Silently of course... Everything she does turns me off. Disgusting stupid biatch!

I know I sound so vulgar now. But whatever, I seldom, almost never do this ok!

Hope tomorrow will be much better! I wanna fit in, I wanna be with people that I can mix with! I wanna be with the people I like, instead of being with people who I dislike, and have to pretend that I like, so as not to be alone. This feeling sucks big time, and I'm sick of it.

Having an overdose of orientation, I actually miss my non-KR life for a bit. I went onto MSN just now, and chatted with Van Loo, Mak and Huan Ting. People I truly like, and it was real nice! I feel like I'm just gonna cry right now. I miss being in a familiar environment. I don't want to be in this foreign place 24/7 until friday! Some people are real nice, and I truly love them, but if I have to spend time with others other than them, it's not a good feeling... seriously!

I wonder what am I to do about the dating game. Some things can be such a headache sometimes!